Demeter's Quest
by Fanfictionlurker1
Summary: Terrified by the prophecy, Lily leaves everything behind and flees the country with Harry, determined to give him a normal life without war. Ten years later they are found. Harry is abducted by the Order, and Lily has to go back to Britain, now under Voldemort's rule, to save her son from her former allies and husband. Canon-Typical Violence, Character Death. Not a happy story.


**Chapter 1: Lily's Choice**

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><p><em>Beloved Jimmy<em>

_This is the hardest thing I ever had to do. I don't know how to put this into words. I don't know how to say what I need to say. I want you to know I still love you. I never stopped loving you and I will always cherish our time together. I love you despite what I'm doing to you, and I wish there was another way. _

_Jimmy, I'm leaving and I'm taking Harry with me._

_I regret it has come to this and I wish I could spend the rest of my life with you, living the life we have lived so far. I wish all three of us could continue being a family. I wish you could still be a part of our son's life. I wish there was no war or at least no prophecy, __I wish above everything else that we could do this together. I wish I could have just told you my plan. I wish you would join us, escape with us, but I know you too well. You would stop me. _

_You are a father, a husband and a friend, but most of all you are a patriot, ready to do what is necessary for your country. You are ready to do your duty. You are proud to have a chance to play such substantial role in bringing Voldemort and his followers down. You are a soldier, prepared to put the needs of the many above the needs of one individual, even if that individual is your son._

_Please understand, I don't blame you. Perhaps you are a better person than I am. Perhaps if I stayed, our son would really put an end to that monster one day. Perhaps he would conquer the Dark Lord like it was foretold, but let's look at the facts. He's just a baby and Voldemort is one of the most powerful wizards in the world. Our child is now on top of his hit list alongside little Neville. Even if he were to train from his earliest childhood, he would always be far behind. Voldemort has knowledge, power and army at his beck and call. Harry has only other people's hopes, piled up on his shoulders. _

_Please understand, I still believe our... your cause is just. I believe Voldemort needs to be stopped. The war he started, all heinous crimes he had committed, the murders and discrimination against my kind, the Muggle-borns... I will never condone what he does and I hope he can still be defeated. When I joined the fight, when I became one of the Order of the Phoenix, when I faced Death Eaters in battles, I did so believing wholeheartedly in all I stood for. I still believe, James. I really do. _

_However I will not sacrifice happiness and safety of my son. I will not risk him. I will not let him be used as a pawn, symbol, shield and a target. I will not put the welfare of others above that of Harry. Even if those others are population of Britain, Europe, even entire world. If that makes me a traitor, so be it, but I had to choose. I chose Harry._

_I know that you, Order and Dumbledore will never honor that request, but I implore you anyway – don't try to find us. You will fail. _

_I will take our son away from it all. I will make sure he has a normal, happy childhood without war. I will hide him well. I'll take every step, every precaution to make sure either side of the war will never locate him. I'll give him as much safety as I can, and I will love him with all my heart._

_Irony of it all is impossible to miss. Dumbledore always said love is what will help us defeat Voldemort, but love is what drives my selfishness now. That's what love does, it makes us put whoever we love high above everyone and everything else. _

_For what it's worth, I truly am sorry with all my heart. I know I'm betraying you, my country, my friends and the Order and I am sorry. Most of all I'm sorry about hurting you. I'm sorry, Jimmy, so sorry. We had so many happy moments. Maybe you'll grow to hate me, maybe I deserve nothing less, but I will always remember you. Our good times, bad times, days, nights; every great and every little thing. I'll treasure them all. I wish I didn't have to make that choice, but I had to put Harry first. _

_I don't deserve your forgiveness, but I'm asking you for it anyway._

_Forgive me, please._

_I'm sorry._

_I love you, Jimmy. I love you so much.  
><em>

__Lily__

Lily Potter folded the letter and hurried to her bedroom. That was the last thing. Everything else was prepared in advance. Luggage was already shrunk and at the bottom of her pockets.

All she had to do was leave the note for James, get Harry and apparate. It was as simple as that. She just had to do this mechanically, without thinking, without mulling over what she was losing, what she was leaving behind. Her choice was made, now she just had to act on it.

Lily opened the door as silently as possible, she walked in, she placed the letter on a nightstand... and then she looked at James. That was a mistake. Lily froze. For a moment she just stood there looking at him. Then her body shook uncontrollably, her sight blurred with tears.

Ever since she heard the words of that thrice damned prophecy, her act was flawless. She hid her sorrow, she bottled her despair down and played a role she had to play to pull this through. She played the role of a devoted soldier, loyal friend and a faithful wife. She played the role of her former self, the person she ceased to be when she made her decision.

Now all she tried to bury was threatening to burst through her carefully raised dam, but she couldn't let that happen. Silent tears were all she would allow. Silent tears, and that one last look; fleeting and all too short. If only it could last forever.

If only there was no war. If only the prophecy was never spoken. If only James was the kind of man who would abandon what he fought for and flee.

Now, at the end, Lily found herself thinking back to the beginning. Memories of their wedding day flooded her mind. James had this beautiful, contagious, radiant smile of his. That smile was the first thing she loved about him. They had a real crowd of guests, even her sister and brother-in-law showed up. They were so uptight, so wary, so condescending, but they showed up nevertheless. That was the last time Petunia and her spoke face to face.

James was looking at Lily with such delight and devotion when they were exchanging their vows. If someone told her at the time she will one day break them all, she would laugh in his or her face.

_I, Lilian Evans, take you, James Potter, to be my lawfully wedded husband..._

She thought about their first date. About those utterly disarming puppy-dog eyes he used on her to convince her to come. About sweets they ate that day at Honeydukes. About that first, sweet, inexperienced kiss. That was also the first time she ever called him Jimmy. She was the only person he ever permitted to do that; for others he was always James, Mr. Potter, 'that Potter brat', or Prongs.

They became a couple straight out of a romantic comedy. He was a Quidditch jock, she was a Potions geek. Their differences brought them together indeed.

_...to have and to hold from this day forward..._

When she realized she was pregnant, she was anxious about his reaction. James was after all so immature in many aspects. Maybe he would get scared? Maybe he wasn't ready?

And yet he was. When she told him, his eyes sparkled like two little stars. They started thinking about baby names that same day.

_...for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health... _

He could always make her laugh, he was so young inside, so full of joy. Even the war never managed to take this away from him.

She couldn't take her eyes off him. She wanted to remember every line and every crevice of his boyish face. She never wanted to forget that eternally messy mop of hair, those lips created for smiling. Will he ever smile again, after discovering his family is gone? Or will he be irreparably broken, destroyed by her actions?

_...to love and to cherish... _

She gave him the lightest kiss on the cheek. Oh, how she wanted to preserve that moment. His face was smooth, he knew his anti-facial-hair-spells well.

_...from this day forward until death do us part._

"Goodbye, Jimmy," she muttered through the bile in her throat, her voice barely a whisper. She was too afraid of waking him up.

Then she wiped all traces of tears from her face, turned around and walked straight to Harry's room without looking back.

Her son was lying in his crib, carousel of toys hanging above it. Her entrance, as silent as it was, still woke him up. His eyes fluttered open, he cooed sweetly and his tiny hands reached towards her. When she saw him, all her doubts, all her sense of guilt simply ebbed away. Harry would be safe, no matter the cost. She would do what she had to do for him. Everything else was of little importance. Even her duty, even her friends, even her marriage.

She scooped him up and cradled him in her arms.  
>"It's okay, Harry," she whispered. "Mummy is here."<p>

She cast a quick warming charm, recounted all shrunken bags in her pocket, got a last glimpse of her home, their home. Their home that after today would never be their home again.

Then she apparated.

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><p><strong>AN: **English isn't my native language, so I apologize for any mistakes and ask for tolerance.

**Disclaimer: **I'm sure nobody ever bothers reading those, I'm sure you all know this, but I DON'T OWN HARRY POTTER UNIVERSE OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS. THEY ARE THE PROPERTY OF THEIR RESPECTIVE, RESPECTABLE, RENOWNED OWNERS.


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